Daddy’s girl

I am a daddy’s girl, always will be and glad of it.

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I just found out that my dad had a small heart attack last night. He is in hospital and will be under going tests in the next day or so. He may just need medication, or surgery.

I also just found out that he has just finalised selling the farm that I grew up on. Though sad, it has also been a relief that Dad has downsized and not working so hard.

I am finding this hard to write, tears are rolling down my face. It has been an emotional evening discovering that the strong man who I look up to is immortal after all. It’s just like my dad that he had been out that morning pruning trees with a chainsaw, up a ladder. And in the afternoon crawling under his new home putting in insulation (he is in his 70’s!)

I just received an email from him from his hospital bed…”Never, never give up!”. This for some reason is making me cry even more. Even though I know this incident is not the end, it has made me realise that one day I will have to deal with my dad no longer being there for me.

He is such an inspiration for me. I love him, and I wish I could be there by his side. Right now living in a different country is making this so much harder.

“Thus shall ye think of all this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream”
– Diamon Sutra
Todays reading from 365 Buddhist Meditations

Voyage of self discovery

This blog is my voyage of self discovery. It is a 40 year plus voyage, and I am not sure of the destination at this stage.

As part of this journery I am working through Julia Cameron’s second self help book Walking in this World – “The long-awaited sequel to the international bestseller The Artist’s Way”.

I am finding some of the tasks a useful way of discovering where I want to be, and what I want to become. What is my passion, my muse, my tiger!

Today I want to share from the book a poem that Julia Cameron’s mother had over the kitchen sink.

“If your nose is held to the grindstone rough
and you hold it down there long enough
soon you’ll say there’s no such thing
as brooks that babble and birds that sing.
Three things will all your world compose-
just you, the grindstone, and your darned old nose.”
Julia Cameron – Walking in this World.

I think we can all discover something from this simple little poem.

Voyage

Healthy

I feel healthy.

I do not “exercise”, I do not eat a “special” diet, I just am.

I do a physically active job which is outdoors and I love it.

I walk my dog twice a day. Not huge marathon walks, just enough to give her little legs a stretch and a run around.

I eat whatever I want, when I want, but saying that I do not have junk food, sodas, chocolates, crisps etc on a regular basis, they are treats occasionally.

I can be lazy and a couch potato at times, but I do try and do some yoga stretches every morning.

I am underweight and struggle to put weight on. I hate it when people comment that I am skinny. (Can I call you fat???) No I am not anorexic! No I do not have bulimia!

I feel healthy, but am I?

I have broken a collar bone, broken my pelvis in three places and my leg in two. All in different events over the years. Maybe I have brittle bones. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I just lead an active life. None of these injuries have stopped me doing anything.

I feel Healthy.

Li Qingzhao Poetry from Song Dynasty

The other night I was watching a documentary on TV called “The story of China”. It started with the Song Dynasty and at one point discussed the writings and poetry of this famous Chinese woman.

As I am getting back into poetry and I am learning Mandarin I was intrigued and discovered this copy of “The Complete Ci-Poems of Li Qingzhao: A new English Translation” by Jiaosheng Wang.

Late Spring – Li Qingzhao

A small courtyard, an idle window:
The mellow tints of spring.
Double blinds unfurled:
A room deep in shadow.
Upstairs, silently,
Someone plucking a jade zither.

Clouds emerging from far-off peaks
Hasten the fall of dusk.
A soft breeze blowing rain
Dallies with light shade.
Pear blossoms already past their bloom-
I’m afraid one can’t keep them from fading.

Shadow

Thanks

I am feeling motivated to write again thanks to this blog and my morning pages. If you are not sure what I mean by morning pages check out “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. This is the second time I have worked through the book in the last 20 years, but I feel I am more able to take on board the lessons from it this time around. Thank you Julia for this bestseller.

Also thanks to “The Daily Post” Daily Post for inspiration with the Daily Prompts and Discover Challenges which I have just started playing with.

I would also like to acknowledge another blog that is giving me inspiration for writing. “Toasted Cheese” which has a great calendar with writing prompts Calendar and also A Midsummer Tale writing competition Writing Comp.

And if you stumble across my ramblings and poems I would like to thank you too for taking the time, and for being gentle with a scrambling fledgling.